Thursday, December 27, 2007

PMS....check. Eye Twitch...check. Sanity...OUT OF STOCK

When do these kids go back to SCHOOL?

Even with the zillion toys and books they received for Christmas, they have spent the day bitching, fighting, whining, and then bitching some more.

Isabelle: Mom! She took my Ugly Doll!
Lorelei: No I didn't!

Lorelei: Mommy! Isabelle licked me!
Isabelle: *evil chuckle*

Isabelle: Mom! Lorelei is looking at me while I am trying to read!
Lorelei: *evil chuckle*

Lorelei: Mommy! I wanna do the Sit 'n' Spin! Isabelle has been on it for a million years!
Isabelle: Mom! She was on it this morning!

Isabelle: Mom!
Lorelei (copying her): Mom!
Isabelle: Stop!
Lorelei: Stop!
Isabelle: STOP!!!!!
Lorelei: STOP!!!!
Isabelle: Stop IT! I mean it!
Lorelei: Stop IT! I mean it!

Have you ever wanted to rip off your own head and throw it at someone?

I had to take our laptop in for repair (SOMEONE, who is not owning up to it, broke the CD-ROM drive platform) and afterwards, I drove around looking for birds. And the girls didn't shut up for more than a few seconds throughout the drive.

At one point, I realized that they were playing nicely. I listened to their made-up stories:

Isabelle: Hi! My name is Ugly. I'm orange with a blue apron.
Lorelei: Hi! I'm Mr. Frisbee (yes, it was a real frisbee). I am green with black stripes.

Also included was a stuffed cat, sea turtle and a clown fish.

They established that they were Lost Toys (hear the capital letters there?) and they were going to be one big happy family....because their old families didn't want them around anymore.
Isabelle: My family didn't like me anymore because I am orange and have a blue apron.
Lorelei: My family doesn't love me because I have writing on my shirt.

Dang, that's a rough crowd. I thought MY family was disapproving.

Let's cleanse a little with bird photos:

11 on the feeder
Highest number of bewds on the new bad-ass feeder: ELEVEN! Someday, I will get 20.
Oh yes. I will get them.

Juv RT
Here's the juvenile red-tailed hawk we first saw at Armleder yesterday.
See the short tail? That's your field mark that says this is not a red-shouldered or a really big Coop.

Juv RT take off
And there you can see the brownish-striped tail...that tells you that this is a younger bird.

But you know, my day has stuck with me even with the perdy birds....
Let me show you the doll my Mom got for Lorelei....and how freakishly happy it is>
Freakishly happy
To me, that seems like a disturbing amount of baby-joy. I want to pinch it and make it cry.

Let's look at it again....

Freakishly happy
Is it me? Or do the rest of you want to bite off one of those cellulite-filled cheeks?

It's like Chucky on estrogen therapy.

Oh! It has freakish eyes, too. Like a movie vampire>
Freaky eyes
"The better to suck out your soul, lady. I wouldn't fall asleep tonight, if I were you."


KatDoc said...

Now THAT'S one scary doll!



Mary said...

Chucky on estrogen therapy is right on! Spooky. Freaky spooky.

Your life and times with Lorelei and Isabelle makes my day - you tell the story so well. And yes, I remember the days when I want to rip my head off and throw it at a bunch of kids. I only had one but with her, came a houseful.

NatureWoman said...

OMG Susan, even with your day you make me laugh.
Congrats on all those bewds on your kick-ass bewd feeder!

Colleen said...

Okay THAT doll is the Ugly doll, dude. And also very scary.

Trixie said...

Scary doll, scary doll...yikes! That is like a Chucky. Yewwww. When does that go to Sally Ann?

Anonymous said...

Let's face . . . who could love a kid with writing on his/her shirt. I mean, really! Sheesh!

And, dolls are FREAKISH. The ONLY ONLY ONLY time I've liked baby dolls was when I was hormonally insane with the desire to produce my own human babies.

And, if you are feeling bad, just think about me. When I get to send my kids back to school . . . I HAVE TO GO WITH THEM!!! So, no more complaining! :)

Lynne said...

I'm laughing out loud reading this after work- it's 1240AM and now my laughing has woken Art! Uh-oh...
That IS one creapy-a** doll. The eyes are really wide set. Very Chucky-ish. {{{shiver}}}

I have to say that NOTHING bugged me more than when my kids did that mocking/repeating thing.

ncmountainwoman said...

Thanks for a great blog and a few laughs. Every mother out there can identify with the situation with the kids.

And I'm SO sorry to tell you this. My "kids" are 31 and 34 and this Christmas was just like the one your describe with your girls. I was so happy to see them arrive, and equally happy to see them return home. While I love having them here, my morning coffee is delightfully quiet this morning.

dguzman said...

OMG, you kill me--this is the funniest post I've ever read! (see, it's funny for me because I'm not there. Were I there, you would've had to call the police. I have ZERO patience with the "repeating" thing.)

But then you had to go and show that creepy doll! It's evil. E. VILLE. Don't turn your back on that thing, man! Find a way to "disappear" it! *evil chuckle*

And oh yes, you will get them. 20 bewds. You will. It's very bad-ass, that bird feeder; almost as bad-ass as my bad-ass birding bag.

Anonymous said...

Funniest post ever!