I haven't posted anything here for nearly three years.
This blog used to be my daily journal, my far-reaching arms to hold close to my friends. Facebook happened and stole my attention and my time.
A lot has happened. Here's the list:
1. I got a job and separated from my husband in the beginning of 2012. I moved into the new RAPTOR facility.
2. I got a divorce at the end of 2012.
3. In between those events, I met someone. His name is Mark.
4. I struggled. I tried. I failed. I tried again. I always got up after being knocked down.
5. I hated many aspects of my job. I just kept at it.
6. In 2014, I moved to Indiana, presumably to give myself a break. That move just made everything more difficult.
7. I struggled. I tried.
8. I started applying for jobs in Louisville. Because that's where Mark is.
9. In October 2015, I was offered a job with the Louisville Fire Department.
10. I moved to Kentucky.
11. I fell in love with my job.
12. In December of 2015, we bought a house.
And here we are, 2016.
I lost something of myself in these years. It's a part I could have used to great effect during the hard times. That part that people love me for, that part that burns hot when I need protection from the storm that is life.
But as I look back and see that I never quit, even when it seemed that I was screwing up every day or making the wrong turns at every turn, I see something. Maybe that part of me that I thought I lost isn't really lost.
Maybe the fire sometimes chooses to be a small voice saying,
"It's okay. Stand up, dammit. You've got this."
Maybe that tiny voice is what got me through it.