September to October

Mid-September, 2004.
Mom came over one day, for a reason I don't remember anymore. She was quieter than usual, smiling in almost a sad way at 2 1/2 year-old Isabelle and 7 month-old Lorelei.
I asked her if something was wrong. And there was.

My Dad had chronic lymphocytic leukemia.

She explained it in the best way she could, but all I could hear was cancer. Cancer. Cancer.
I've never been so scared in all my life. I stumbled to Geoff's office and managed to choke out, "My Dad....has....cancer....".
Over the next few days, I learned all that I could about the disease. I was encouraged by the many instances I read about, the patients who lived with this for years, even decades.
Dad and Mom asked for a meeting with my brother and me, to discuss things my Dad wanted to talk about. Mostly the land and how he never wanted it split up and sold, estate stuff...that kind of thing.
Even as I talked with my family about the "what ifs", I refused to think that Dad might not win this fight.


October 17, 2004
A cold day found all of us (family, old friends, everyone) at a barn party. Delicious, bad-for-you casseroles, chips and dip, and the ever-present beer. Dad had begun his first round of chemo the week before. He seemed okay.
The chill and the kids forced us to leave before the party wound down. As we left, I walked up behind Dad, squeezed his arm, and said, "Bye, Dad". He half-turned, and said, "Bye, Sue".

October 18th, 2004
Mom called in the afternoon. Dad was pretty ill with a high fever and chills. He and Mom were at the hospital, and they were assured that this was probably from the chemo....that Dad had caught a cold or the flu because the chemo had wrecked his immune system. Mom was going home to sleep...nothing to worry about.
I remember chatting later with my cousin Mary Lou. About Dad. About the Northern Flicker in my backyard.

October 19th, 2004. 2:20 am.
The phone rang.
Mom's voice cracked over the line. "Dad's not doing very good. Can you come now?"
I was backing out of the driveway by 2:23.
The night was foggy, almost impossibly so. An Amber Alert was blaring over all the highway signs. The 50 minute drive took forever.
Steve, my brother, met me at the ER entrance. He didn't say anything.
We walked down dark, solemn hallways to a small room where Mom was.
I sat down and put my arm around her shoulders.
She looked at me, then at Steve. "You didn't tell her?"
Steve looked at the floor.
Mom gathered her strength from somewhere, looked into my eyes and said, "Honey, Dad died."

The world went out, like a blown light bulb.

*Dad's pre-chemo tests had shown that he had at least a few minor heart attacks sometime in the past. The doctor informed Dad that chemo would be a risk. Dad chose to proceed anyway.*

In halting words, Mom told me of the events that had transpired during my 50-minute drive. Dad had gone into cardiac arrest. The doctors and nurses had worked on him for at least 20 minutes. He died at 2:30 am, seven minutes after I had left my house.

The three of us walked deeper into the quiet hospital to see Dad. As we passed the nurses' station, I heard one of them say, "Poor thing. She didn't make it in time".
Dad was in a cold, half-lit room, with a sterile white blanket pulled up to his shoulders.
Steve went in first, and reached back to grab my hand. He hadn't held my hand since I was 5 years old.
Reality was warping around me. But I put a hand on Dad's forehead and leaned down to kiss him.

And a last whisper....."Daddy".


I wasn't going to post tonight, but Mary's post here turned the pitcher of my memory right over.
The ones we love can be here one day, gone the next. Or they can slowly disappear from us over the course of years. Either way, it leaves us an unbalanced equation. The thing that keeps us righted is removed and we stumble.

Julie blows into town, packing books and Bacon

Last night, Julie was in town, so I went to listen to her lecture (and see The Bacon, of course).


The crowd was diverse...some young, facially-pierced University students, some bloggers and a large amount of older birder/nature-oriented types.
The talk was good, as it always is with Julie.
Afterward, Nina and I and a few women whose names I didn't catch, went for an official Audience with Chet Baker.
When I know Chet is going to accompany Julie on her trips, I come fully armed with dog treats and a toy.

It took Chet maybe 5 minutes to kill it and dismember it.



Poor toy. We lined up some of the pieces and marveled at their resemblance to rib bones...



Chet and his Southwestern Ohio Harem:

Just....perfect.

This awaited me when I cleaned out the bird carriers after today's program.



Anyone want to guess at the owner of this perfect feather?

Bye bye, Coop!

I've said it before, but releases are the BEST!


I don't know the story behind this Cooper's Hawk, like its injury or where it was found.
So let's not dwell on my boring lack of details and focus instead on the happiness of the occasion.

The Coop was released by a new volunteer, and the woman let the bird go with joy and awe, a huge smile on her face. I think the bird was happy, too.


It happened so fast, in half a second it had cleared the barn....


...and sliced in between the mew gate and a parked car (and right by Dee, standing in the barn doorway!).


Another bird who needed help and received it. RAPTOR....it's just what we do.
:)

Owlet!

Our local Mamma Owl is busy with at least one owlet....


To make sense of this photo....The big mound is Mamma Owl, with her tail sticking up. (The grassy stuff is grass, blown in there during our Big Windy Day, back in September.
I ran into Jack Verdin again, (a local wildlife photographer), and he has been watching closely...he described the ritual of the owl standing up, turning and waddling around the chick. And then the owl demonstrated. Jack and others used an infrared camera to look through the bottom of the nest can and they saw at least two warm circles. Hard to tell how many babies are in there until they are big enough to peer over the top. And that nest can must be FULL of stuff, for the Mamma to be sitting up so high in the nest. Ewwww.....rabbit skulls and mallard feet and pellets!

At least one sweet little future-predator is up there, food-begging and growing.
Ahh. Life is good.

Signs, signs....everywhere are signs...

Tomorrow is the first day of Spring, in case you didn't know that.

The signs have been coming for quite a while....birds more interested in chasing each other than eating, grass starting to look green again.
At RAPTOR, every year about this time, a huge patch of these start to pop up.
Can anyone tell me what they are? The flower hangs from the top of the stem and looks like an upside down trumpet.

Whatever they are, they are just the bluest blue flowers I have ever seen.

In just about a month, a whole passel of bloggers will be converging on West Virginia for the New River Birding and Nature Festival. And we have Kathi to blame for that.
She could be their sole PR staff.

The current list of bloggers who will be whooping it up in the mountains of WV next month:
Kathi*
Kathie*
Nina*
Susan M.
Lynne*
Mary*
Laura*
Moi*
Tim
Jane *
Beth the Delurked Comment Queen
(* staying at the Farmhouse)
Yep, that's 8 women in one house. That house has two bathrooms. We are so toast. Well, at least it has Wi-Fi.

Oh, and Julie, Bill, Liam and Phoebe will be there. And Jim McCormac.
And The Bacon.

I'm looking forward to this trip like no other. It will be a glorious reunion with "old" friends, and a glorious meeting of "old but un-met" friends. And a whole seven days of sweaty, fast and dirty birding!


I was thinking of West Virginia as Lorelei and I were eating at McDonald's today.
And what greeted me from the McNugget box?




A Chicken McNugget. In the shape of WEST VIRGINIA.












Signs. They're everywhere.

Connected

Twenty four years ago, I got to investigate my first computer. I was 12, in the sixth grade, and it was the only computer in the whole school.... ONE computer for a whole school. We each got 3 minutes on it to play some word game or something. I seem to recall it was an Apple.
My first personal computer was in 1993, some geezer IBM, with all of 4 MB of memory. It whirred and wheezed and had a dial-up connection.

Nowadays, computers are everywhere and kids are as tech-savvy as the adults are (sometimes more!). Isabelle's school (and nearly every school I have visited) has computers in the classrooms and also a Computer Lab. Lots and lots of computers.

With my recent gift, I started taking stock of all the technology I have in my life.
*Computers: I have a desktop PC, Geoff has a desktop PC, the family has a lap top and I have another lap top for RAPTOR. Peripheral devices include speakers, flash drives, paper printers, photo printers, and scanners. Also attached is a wireless cable modem so we can all talk to each other. The RAPTOR lap top also has a digital projector so that I can WOW children around the Tri-State area. All these things have chargers or cables or peripheral gizmos.
My computer is probably my favorite gadget, because it connects me to the Internet, and all of you.

*Our TVs. High-Def flat screens, with digital cable and DVD players.

*My digital camera. My baby. My microscope for the natural world. That one camera requires that I have a battery, a charger, a cord for uploading and software on my computer.

*My cell phone. So I can make calls and check Facebook constantly. : ) Oh yeah...also has a charger.

*My Garmin. Lets me find my way in the world. Talks to a satelite in space. That includes a charger to keep it juicy and also a USB cable so that it can talk to my computer.

*My iPod. A super fun little gadget to carry the soundtrack of my life and bird songs, so I can talk to the birds and learn their languages. That came with a speaker and a cable, so it can charge its little heart and also talk to my computer.


Anyone else feeling a bit "tangled"?