Thursday, February 01, 2007

Just try to stay awake

Word of the Day:
pellucid \puh-LOO-sid\, adjective:
1. Transparent; clear; not opaque.
2. Easily understandable.

What a non-day.
I attended a funeral this morning, which was nice, and peaceful, and sad.
For the past few days, I have been existing in a fog. Maybe the bronchitis, maybe the loopy cough syrup, maybe the winter, maybe depression. (Oh, we will talk about depression another day)
While on the west side of town, I stopped at the apartment complex I used to live in:

My dufus ex and I lived on the second floor. The balcony looked out on the Great Miami river valley (and the interstate). We weren't supposed to have any animals, but I snuck Queen in and kept her out of the windows.

Good ol' 8180 West Mill Street. It was a nice apartment, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, decent rent. But I cringe to think where I would have ended up if the dufus hadn't cheated on me. I don't think I would have met my true potential, and my life would just be sorry. Sorry and going nowhere.

Not a great picture...This is the family funeral home. I have said goodbye here to my Dad, my grandma, my grandpa, my uncle, friends, mothers and fathers of friends. We are here way too much. I didn't get a good photo because I didn't want anyone to see me taking pictures. Too tacky.

This bridge is down the road from the apartment. This bridge collapsed in 1989, and killed two people whose car went down with it. I think about that every time I cross it.

I am going to try and see the bald eagle that has been hanging out at the evil gravel pits. And that is all I am doing tomorrow. Katdoc, the stinker, saw it today.
Sigh...I wanna be happier.
Sorry I am not my bubbly self. Someone needs to slap me and tell me to snap out of it.


NatureWoman said...

When you get back outside tomorrow you'll be back to yourself again. I can imagine it's very tough going to a place that brings memories flooding back of your family members. {{{{BIG HUGS}}}} to you girlfriend.
Here's giving you great vibes that you'll see the bald eagle tomorrow. And please tell katdoc to get a blog, or at least flickr account so we can see her pics!!
Pellucid, hmmm, after working all day I'm not very pellucid tonight. {{{MORE BIG HUGS}}}

LauraHinNJ said...

*Virtual slaps!*

We're getting closer to spring and crocuses every day. I saw snowdrops last week!

Mary said...

WHACK! Here's another one: WHACK! It's OK Susan. We are all entitled to a gloomy, melancholy, depressing day. The season is getting me down, too - I drive to work in the pitch dark and come home to less than an hour of daylight. Depression is typical in the month of February but short-lived. Spring is near!

Your description of that apartment is *exactly* what I lived in with Michael. We snuck a cat in, "Muffet", and two months later got an eviction notice. HA! We moved for the sake of the cat.

I am glad dufus is out of your life. You are too smart for a dufus.

mon@rch said...

Sorry to hear that this was such a sad day for you with many memories. I hope Groundhogs day brings you more bubbly and good luck finding those eagles!

Rachel said...

What a yucky, sad day. Your Spring countdown is a nice reminder that it's not too far away! Hope you feel better tomorrow, and know that we are here for you if you need us!

Lynne said...

Oh Susan, I'd never tell you to just snap out of it. Feelings cannot be shut off. You've had alot going on- funerals, being really sick, this wierd winter, dificult memories. To be really honest, this is my first winter without an antidepressant in several years and it has been tough. Depression is insidious. It colors one's view of eveything. Be kind to yourself and wrap up in all of the hugs coming your way!

Now go out there and find that eagle!!

try out my new mantra-
repeat after me-
cape may...cape may...cape may...

katdoc said...

Naturewoman: (It's Pam, right?) You are like the third person to tell me I need to get a blog, and I am seriously thinking about it. The biggest obstruction to my blogging, or even posting pictures, is that my computer is so old it won't talk to my digital camera or even my scanner, so I can't get my photos on line. I am researching a new 'puter, so hopefully I will be able to jabber away on my own blog soon, and stop high-jacking other peoples' comments sections. (I hear Susan saying "It's about time!")

Susan: Not to brag, but it was an awesome eagle sighting. It wasn't just perched or even flying, it was *hunting*. Tres cool. Stick with me - I will take you to the bald eagle nesting site on the Ohio River this spring and show you bald eaglets!


Mary said...

Katdoc, your blog would be marvelous.

Liza Lee Miller said...

a. when you go to a funeral, you are allowed to be melancholy. It's one of the rules.

b. when you take a trip down memory lane (with a detour for the bad memories), you will find that melancholy increases. Another rule.

c. when you photograph bridges that collapse and kill people, then you are just being mean to your other bridge phobic friends so please stop it!

:) Seriously, winter makes us all crazy. I'm even getting enough sunshine and I'm finding myself dragging through each day.

My daffodils are starting to stick their tips up though and our flowering trees are budding out all over town. Better days are coming!