Friday, February 05, 2016

A tiny voice

I haven't posted anything here for nearly three years.

This blog used to be my daily journal, my far-reaching arms to hold close to my friends.  Facebook happened and stole my attention and my time.

A lot has happened.  Here's the list:

1.  I got a job and separated from my husband in the beginning of 2012.  I moved into the new RAPTOR facility.

2.  I got a divorce at the end of 2012.

3.  In between those events, I met someone.  His name is Mark.

4.  I struggled.  I tried.  I failed.  I tried again.  I always got up after being knocked down.

5.  I hated many aspects of my job.  I just kept at it.

6.  In 2014, I moved to Indiana, presumably to give myself a break.  That move just made everything more difficult.

7.  I struggled.  I tried.

8.  I started applying for jobs in Louisville.  Because that's where Mark is.

9.  In October 2015, I was offered a job with the Louisville Fire Department.

10.  I moved to Kentucky.

11.  I fell in love with my job.

12.  In December of 2015, we bought a house.

And here we are, 2016.

I lost something of myself in these years.  It's a part I could have used to great effect during the hard times.  That part that people love me for, that part that burns hot when I need protection from the storm that is life.

But as I look back and see that I never quit, even when it seemed that I was screwing up every day or making the wrong turns at every turn, I see something.  Maybe that part of me that I thought I lost isn't really lost.

Maybe the fire sometimes chooses to be a small voice saying,

"It's okay.  Stand up, dammit. You've got this."

Maybe that tiny voice is what got me through it.


KGMom said...

First, you go, girl.
Second, true true--it isn't always the fire that sees you through. It can be the centered still small voice.
Sounds like you have that.
Oh, and people won't love you any less.
Welcome back to blogging...I hope you stay a while.

Mary said...

I miss you and your blog. Your honesty and humor always had me checking in to see what Susan wrote. Be proud, Susan.

walkingthecat said...

Every couple of months I come by here, hoping for signs of life. So often have I been disappointed -- but not today!

So glad to see this post, and hoping for more.

Nate Cash said...

Nate and Michelle here! We found you. Please email us your email address.

N and M

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Mike Attwood said...

Wish you luck for the future. Mike.

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