Dear Stupid and Lazy Person,
I wanted to thank you personally for not returning your cart to the corral at the fabric store today. And I am concerned about your welfare, since you must have been in such a hurry that you couldn't walk 10 feet to the place that the carts are supposed to be returned. Maybe you are a heart surgeon and got that call about a transplant. Or you had to get to that sale at the Gap. Or you just had to pee really bad.
Even though the winds were blowing at higher than 40 miles per hour, something kept you from securing that cart. So I hope you are okay.
Never mind that the wind pushed your unsecured cart and made it roll down the slanted parking lot and was observed by a man sitting in his car, and said man watched it slam into my new Subaru. That man must have thought it was such a spectacular sight, that he had to come into the store and find me to tell me of the incident. That story really made the remainder of my shopping visit a pleasure.
I went out to survey the damage, which compared to your uber-busy schedule, really is trivial. Only three huge dents in the driver-side door. Of my new car.
You will never see me, or hear my tale. But that's okay, right? You are so busy and important that it's beneath you to think of other human beings and their property.
Have a nice day*,
*What I mean by that is... "I hope a bucketful of screw worms infests the crack of your a- -."