The Parade of Fools

My camera is broken. The damned "Lens Error" thing came on and I was picture-less. That sucks. So once again, I am using a cute little point 'n' shoot.
And once again, I am dipping into the past for photos.
The title of this post is an accurate description of what is to follow...
The guys who let me get away.


Mom and the In-Laws, you are so not allowed to read this.....Potty-mouth alert. But I bet my best friend Shannon will have a good laugh at this....

Let's begin with 1988: My brother's wedding.

Good Lord.
Now, Anne, (that's my SIL) you usually make such good decisions. Why the Southern Belle look? Why, in the sweet name of all that is good and holy?
This is Tom, a friend of my brother's. I was 15, he was 19. The things he pulled with me were technically a felony. We didn't actually date. Just wanted to add the photo because I look like a goof.
********


1989, one of four proms I attended:

Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Who in the Hell did my hair?????
This is Chris. He was a junior, I was a sophomore. We dated for about 4 months, then, while our marching band was in Florida on vacation, he dumped me. But still wanted me to be his date for the prom. Probably because no one else would want to be seen with his sorry ass. So I went. And he ditched me at the After-Party to go to another party. I had to get a ride home from people I really didn't even know. Loser. We were in a church group together (okay, okay, enough with the incredulous laughing) and he was all Christian when it came to talking to my parents, but he was a dirty, dirty boy when it came to the
backseat of a car (no, not all the way dirty).
What a hypocrite. What a schmuck.
******



Summer, 1991. A friend from high school was getting married, and I needed a date. I ran into Billy at the mall and asked him to go with me...just as a friend, or so HE thought.

We had such a great time at the wedding. We danced our butts off and laughed and talked...I didn't want the night to end. I flirted like I have never flirted before. I drove him home, and he didn't try a thing.
He was so cute. And clean. And a great dancer. And sweet. And a gentleman. And so GAY.

(I found that out a few years later and it all made sense. I wasn't his type. Last I heard, he was in a warm, healthy relationship with a nice guy. Cheers, Billy! But you missed out.)
*****


1992. But we have to back track a bit...I dated Tony just after Chris (see above, you know, the schmuck) and Tony was a very nice guy. Just poor and from the wrong side of the tracks.
I got tired of all the drama (drugs, the LAW) and broke up with him. I told him that I would think about taking him back if he straightened up and got his life in order.
Know what he did? He joined the Army. And got sent to Kuwait.
When he got back, he got in touch with me. He was stationed in Oklahoma, and asked me to come for a visit.

What a disaster that trip was. He wasn't any cleaner than he had been. The Army just shined him up a bit. He kicked me out of his house after I found him doing coke on the kitchen table and I had to spent the rest of my trip with his neighbor. (But that neighbor was a hottie.)
It's a damn shame, too. He was a gifted writer and funny and a really neat person. But he didn't follow his dreams. Last I heard, he had a kid and a woman and was managing a fast food restaurant. Damn shame.
*****


1996. The guy I almost married.
Tony (yep, another Tony...almost a carbon copy of the first one) was from the wrong side of the tracks. He never finished high school, had a rough life even though his parents tried. He was freakin' hilarious, had a heart of gold and thought I was the best thing God ever created. I dated the doofus for almost 6 years. I thought I could raise him up out of his life and help him get a new one. But I learned the hard way that you can't do that for someone. They have to be the driving force in their own life.
We got an apartment together, and six months later, it was over. The SOB cheated on me. With an ugly older woman. WTF?
But it was the best thing he could have done. I woke up. and moved OUT.

You know the saying that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to get your prince? Well, there's a few frogs for you. And I got my prince.